Goodbye amoxicillin!

Thankfully, today is the last day of amoxicillin.  I'm hoping that I'll start to feel a little better with less abx on board.  The sad thing is that this is just the beginning. I get a few weeks' 'break', that is, if you call taking 500 mg of azithromycin for a month a break, and then we'll be adding more stuff in and perhaps increasing the zith.  UGH!!!

I've been really exhausted and sore.  My armpits have been really tender and wearing a bra is painful.  No, I don't wear underwires, either.  I discovered today that my rice filled hot pack feels nice on it.  Doesn't completely take away the pain, but it is very soothing feeling.

Yesterday I had a bunch of gastric effects.  Noticeable pain and a little diarrhea.  Today it was better.  I find it interesting how each day has been different.

I'm trying to figure out what to do when I'm too tired to be up and around, yet not tired enough to fall asleep.  I tried listening to an audiobook and podcast, but I must have been in the wrong mood or didn't get the right ones or something cuz they didn't really do much for me and were almost irritating. Perhaps today would have been a better day to try and fall asleep.

I did figure out how to knit lying down though!  I need an extra pillow under my head and a one under each elbow.  Maybe I'll be able to do more of that.

I'm thinking of making list and basket or something of things I'll need when I need to be in bed.

Water
snacks
knitting
books
iPhone/iPad
laptop
cat and dog

Its really nice how my pets like to hang around me.  Very comforting.  They each have their own energy and it actually benefits me.  If I'm in a lot of pain and can touch both Daisy and Shane (like with a hand and foot), I feel HUGE improvements.  Daisy has a very sweet and healing, nurturing sort of energy and Shane is very grounding.  And Pif is really starting to spend a lot of time with me when I'm in bed.  I find it awesome and sweet!  I've really missed having cats and am SO glad that Jared thought to finally ask his friends who breed bengals if they had a cat that would fit our situation. He told me we'd be getting one of their retired breeders on my birthday! He really doesn't have much of an allergic reaction to her at all.  I'm so blessed!!  I'm still trying to figure out exactly what kind of energy Pif adds to the mix, but I'm leaning towards energized and vibrant.

Reality has been hitting me and its very daunting.  I've just had 5 days of treatment and this may have to go on for YEARS!  I haven't been able to empty or fill the dishwasher in one sweep!  There's just so many things that are hard for me to accept.  To write it all out is just too depressing.  I'm trying to focus on the positives and remain hopeful and upbeat.  But I imagine I'll be going through even darker times than this.

I feel as if I need to let go of ALLLLL expectations and just do what I can and not have to try and live up to anything.  No housework, no mothering, no wifeing, no socializing.  Just existing.  And that's a huge challenge, maybe even moreso than the fight within my body.  I have responsibilities!  I can't just drop them like a hot potato!  And none of those things are things that are disposable, yanno?  I CAN'T just ignore my 3 year old!  And the house needs to have at least a certain level of cleanliness to live in it comfortably.  I can't ignore my husband's needs, and not doing anything for my own enjoyment would lead to bad things too.

Its scary.

But you have to go THROUGH the forest to get out of it, right?  There WILL be good days, glimmers of light.  And the end.  I don't know what the path looks like yet and where the final destination will be.