I wanna hold your hand

I wrote this up on the 18th, but sat on it for awhile cuz I had already posted a bunch at that point.  Today seems like a good day to publish it, because again, I'm not feeling well enough to be out of bed.


Spending so much time in bed is getting boring and lonely.  I've been feeling rather isolated by my inability to function in the world.  I haven't been out of the house since Friday.  As I lie in bed trying to rest, I can't help but think one thing.

"I just want to hold someone's hand."

I don't want to have to talk, or do anything.  I just want quiet, comforting companionship.

The dogs have been by my side nearly the whole time I'm in bed.  It helps to reach a hand or foot out to touch them.  But its not the same as a human.

As I long for this, my mind wanders back to when my grandpa was really sick in the hospital.  I was only 8, and he was paralyzed on half of his body and couldn't talk.  But my mom told me to go ahead and go up to him and hold his hand.  That he would would like it.  I've held other people's hands when they were sick and dying.

Being in this lonely place lets me see the gift I gave them.  I didn't expect them to do anything, and I didn't do anything but let them know I was there with them, that they weren't alone.

*******

As I set the computer aside for a cry just now, I can feel that I'm not alone either.  Someone is holding my right hand, and someone else has their arm around my shoulder.  I wouldn't be surprised if its both of my grandpas, or a specific friend or two.  And Daisy jumps up on the bed and licks away my tears.


*******

Its not easy, just 'being' with someone who isn't able to do more than just exist.  But its powerful and peaceful for both parties.  It can feel awkward at first, but I'm guessing that's because not many of us know how to just sit and be, without doing anything else. Once you relax and appreciate the presence of the other person, you are able to open up to what is really happening. The language of the heart is spoken in these silences, the quiet still places where people can just exist with one another.

Of course, you don't have to be with a sick person in the hospital to do this.  I'm sure we've all spent time with someone where we could just 'be', that we've heard the heart speak.  However, I think that consciously choosing to be still with someone who is very ill is one way to experience this gift.  I hope that you are able to experience this quiet and still miracle in your lifetime too.